


Never have you ever...

by NinaBeena



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Author Is Sleep Deprived, Badass Reader, Dating, Drinking Games, Ecto-Penis (Undertale), Ecto-Tongue (Undertale), Ectobiology, F/M, It's with ya boy mutt, Kinda?, Multi, Other, Slow Burn, Smexy times, Virgin Reader, and his highness, eventually, fellswap, reader aint takin yo shit, swapfell?, yandere friends
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-18
Updated: 2019-10-24
Packaged: 2020-05-14 00:40:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19262470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NinaBeena/pseuds/NinaBeena
Summary: Never have you ever... well, there's a lot you haven't done; skydiving, scuba diving. screwed a skeleton...Screwed in general...Well, your friends are here to help!





	1. Never have you ever... played never have you ever!

**Author's Note:**

> This was supposed to be a one-shot but I have multiple chapters already written up and thought, fuck it, might as well start posting this!
> 
> This will have smexy times, but there's a few things that are going to happen first!

 

You dropped down between Papyrus and Sans with a new bottle of rum, holding it close to your chest as you caught Papyrus eyeing it with a gleam in his socket. "No! Bad pup! This one's mine!"

Rus, or Mutt if Sans was especially pissed off that day, simply chuckled and sipped from the bottle of whiskey he'd already stolen from you, sending you a salacious wink as he licked droplets from his teeth. "c'mon darlin', just wan' a taste."

You hissed at him and turned away, snuggling into Sans side as you sipped straight from the bottle. "Mine."

Sans rested his arm around you and sipped from his own glass of wine, eyeing the other two people in your little drunken party. "You said you had a game suggestion Alphys?"

The reptile monster in question was chugging from a bottle of cinnamon schnapps as her girlfriend took more sedate sips of her gin and tonic, arms slung around each other.

Alphys slammed down the bottle and grinned ferally. "NEVER HAVE I EVER! I heard that shits a GREAT drinking game!"

They all turned to you and you shrugged. "Never played, but it's pretty simple. We take turns saying 'Never have I ever' and then what we haven't done, whoever has though has to take a drink and offer the story if asked."

Rus immediately perked up at the suggestion and met Sans gaze as they both seemed to have the same idea. "sound's like a good time, why don'tcha start us off then?"

You hummed in thought before perking up and sending Undyne an evil grin. "Never have I ever put cameras in my crushes house so I could watch them."

She scowled at you and took a drink, looking away from Alphys with a violet blush staining her cheeks. "Unfair."

You shrugged and nudged Rus. "Your turn."

He smirked. "never 'ave i ever got caught havin' sex in public."

Alphys swore while Undyne rolled her eyes at the skeleton, both taking drinks and looking to you expectantly, making you realize that the skeleton brothers were also giving you looks. "What?"

"You've never fucked in public?!" Alphys questioned, her one good eye looking at you suspiciously.

"I've never fucked at all." You answered with a shrug, taking a sip from your bottle and missing the feral smirk the brothers shared over your head. "Alright Undyne, your turn!"

Alphys slammed her bottle into the carpet and glared at you. "That's BULLSHIT! What 'bout that guy you're always snugglin' up to? There's no way in hell you're not fucking him."

"Her." You replied curtly.

She blinked. "What?"

"Danny is a her, I know she doesn't really look like it, but she's very much a woman, and asexual as fuck might I add." You took a sip from your bottle and batted away Papyrus's hand. "She's been my bestie since we were in diapers, she's basically my sister."

Alphys snorted softly. "So ya really never fucked?"

"Nope"

Undyne cleared her throat, drawing your attention back to her as she stared you down before smirking. "N-never have I ev-ver made a fu-fuck list."

You flinched before taking a gulp of your rum, face flushing as you avoided looking at anyone. "Don' know what yer talkin' 'bout."

Sans nudged your side. "I believe you owe us a story pet."

You gave Undyne a filthy look and took another drink before clearing your throat. "A Fuck List is a list of people you want to fuck or get fucked by, I accidentally showed mine to Undyne when we were clearing out my room, biggest mistake of my life, besides trying to climb a redwood..."

Alphys leaned forward with a manic grin. "C'MON! TELL US!"

You scoffed and waved your finger. "Nuh-uh. Your turn."

She growled and took a swig. "Never 'ave I EVER given a guy head!"

You take a drink and idly note that everyone else did too. "Ok, but I'm pretty sure no guy wants their dick near your teeth, just sayin'."

Alphys lunged for you but Sans lifted you over his head and glared at the reptilian monster. "Don't get pissy just because you know she's right. Besides, you don't even like men."

Rus took you from Sans and settled you in his lap. "you've given head?" He murmured, tilting your face up and smirking at the blush that spread down your throat, _wanting to trace it with his tongue and see how you would taste as you-_

"Pfft, I'm not some innocent flower." You snickered, pushing his skull away as you reached for your abandoned bottle of rum and snapping him from his train of thought. "I've fooled around plenty of times."

_Ok, maybe putting you in his lap was a bad idea..._

You pressed into him comfortably and settled back against his chest as you pointed over to Sans. "Best for last, your turn!"

Sans scoffed at you and nipped your finger. "Pointing is rude pet, but if you insist." He licked his teeth and purred low. "There's very little I haven't done pet, but I suppose I've never had a submissive heat."

Alphys threw her empty bottle at him and stormed off, her scales glowing red as she stalked to the guest room with Undyne following after her with a tired sigh. "Th-that was low."

Sans chuckled and cleaned up the mess left behind, even taking your rum bottle while you were distracted and bringing you a glass of water instead. "Don't want you to get hungover."

You sip your water as the brothers have a silent conversation over your head, Papyrus unconsciously starts running a hand over your hair and down your back, adjusting you so that you sat sideways in his lap.

You leaned into his petting and yawned, letting the booze in your system lull you to sleep as your two best friends just quietly stared at each other, something that was actually kinda normal for them.

Feeling safe and warm, you promptly fell asleep.

 

**_~~~_ **

 

The following weeks found your skeleton friends acting a bit, well, odd.

For starters, Sans had started insisting that he escort you to and from work, especially on the nights you had to close, and while you agreed because the bar you worked at got seedy after two, it still came out of the blue.

And then there was also the fact that he insisted that you go clothes shopping together, even offering to pay for the things you couldn't afford but he wanted you to have or thought would look perfect on you, even going so far as to drag you to the lingerie store for new delicates that you didn't need.

While you could deal with this, you couldn't deal with the fact that Papyrus seemed to always be at your work, or at your house, or at the grocery store, literally everywhere and constantly trying to get you to hang out with him or feed you.

You were starting to get a little uncomfortable, so you decided a girls day out with Alphys and Undyne to try and relax a bit, maybe ask them if they knew what was going on.

You met them at a small little cafe, not Grillby's, they were very adamant on never meeting there, and ordered your usual before heading over to the table they were already seated at. "Hey gals, how's it goin' today?"

Undyne tilted her hand back and forth while Alphys rolled her eye. "Been better, why the fuck do you smell like the bone brothers?" Her smile turned lecherous as Undyne perked up. "Finally got with 'em ey? Let 'em rattle yer bones?"

**...WHAT???**

"WHAT?" You shrieked, face rapidly heating with a blush. "No! Why would you even think that!?"

Undyne slumped back into her seat, looking vaguely disappointed before perking back up. "You sme-smell just like them, they've ob-obviously scent m-mar-marked you."

Your face scrunched up and you lifted the corner of your shirt and sniffed it, only smelling a vague hint of perfume, coincidentally one that Sans had bought for you. "I don't smell anything?"

Alphys scoffed while Undyne giggled. "Duh, you're human, there's no way for you to actually smell it, it's a monster custom."

"That I'm hoping you're about to explain?" You muttered, not liking the evil gleam in Undyne's eyes, seeing as the last time you saw that you almost ended up being dissected.

**Man, that had been a weird day...**

Alphys took the lead surprisingly, you kinda thought this be more in Undyne's field. "So when a strong monster likes a weaker monster, they let others know not to fuck with them by marking the weaker monster with their magic. It's a way of telling everyone to fuck off without outright putting a collar on the weaker monster, that comes later."

**...So they wanted to date you?**

Just as you were about to ask, you felt an arm drape over your shoulder and the overwhelming smell of cheap cologne assaulted your senses. "Heya there cutie~ What's a pretty girl like you hanging around freaks like these?" The guy sneered at your friends before noticing they were holding hands. "Ugh, faggot freaks at that."

Alphys had to hold Undyne in her seat, even though it looked like it physically hurt her not to get up and kill this guy, Alphys understood that it wouldn't be in her favor as a monster to start a fight with a human, that and Undyne was wearing a brand new shirt that would be a bitch to get blood out of.

**But you? You could do whatever the hell you wanted to if you were fast enough.**

You pulled the guy in by his shirt collar, smiling sweetly and keeping his attention on your face, letting him think you were into his disgusting existence for a moment.

Before you promptly smashed your free hand, now a fist, into his face with a satisfying crunch and sending him flat on his ass.

**"SCATTER!"**

You bolted out of the cafe, hot on Alphys heels as she hauled Undyne over her head and down the street, not stopping until you were a good two miles from the place and in a familiar park while gasping for air.

"woah there, where's the fire darlin'?"

You groaned and flopped onto the grass by the snack stand, realizing why the park seemed familiar. "Had'ta go fast."

Alphys laughed and dumped Undyne onto the grass next to you. "That was KICKASS! The bastard had no idea what was coming!" She whirled and shook a claw at Rus as he slouched behind the stand. "You're girl is BADASS! Knocked a bigot's lights out!"

"Hurt my hand." You muttered, studying your split and bruising knuckles with a scowl. "Might'a hit him too hard."

Rus was in front of you in a flash with a growl rumbling in his chest as he gently took your hand. "who the fuck touched ya? smells like a douche bag."

He brought your hand close to his face and studied the bruising before his tongue slipped from between his teeth and lapped at the blood that had been welling to the surface, making you gasp and try to yank your hand away. "Rus!"

He kept licking over your wounded knuckles, almost seeming to purr before he pulled away and smirked at you. "there ya go, all bette'."

You snatched your hand away and ignored your friends snickering as you inspected the area he licked, finding that your knuckles were healed with only a bit of redness left behind. "Thanks." You muttered.

He shrugged and turned to Alphys, throwing an arm over your shoulder and pulling you into his side while he leaned against the stand. "wha' happened?"

Alphys rolled her eye and snorted. "Some asshole speciest thought he could get into her pants if he insulted us, as you can see, he failed."

The arm around you tightened. "what'd he look like, i'll keep an eye out for 'im."

You, on the other hand, tried to move away from his embrace as you remembered what Alphys had told you before you were interrupted.

**They wanted to date you? Both of them? Why? Wouldn't that cause fighting between them? You didn't want to put a wedge between your friends...**

Sure, you were great friends with them, but you were human, and not all that attractive. You'd seen some of the monsters that Rus had brought home, all beautiful and unique, you'd even gotten along with that one bunny monster that he'd brought over a few months back.

But you were human! One in a million, as they say, not exactly the most unique looking or the most interesting, the most you could do is keep up with Sans when he talked about his traps and almost drink Rus under the table.

You must've zoned out because the next thing you knew you were gently being lowered to the brother's couch, realizing that Rus must've teleported at some point. "What-"

"easy there sweetheart, think ya might be in a bit o' shock after clockin' tha' bastard, brought ya home fer cuddles an' snacks."

You relaxed back into the cushions and didn't argue as he grabbed blankets and various snacks that he somehow knew you liked? Did you ever actually tell him you like honey mustard pringles? You can't remember actually...

You push the thought away as Sans storms in, stopping when he spots you on the couch swaddled up and surrounded by snacks. _"What Happened?"_

Rus popped in with one last bowl filled to the brim with caramel corn. "she clocked an asshole an' zoned, thought she migh' need some soft time."

You sighed and tried to wiggle out of the blankets, getting absolutely nowhere with how tight he wrapped you. "I'm fine, I've just never hit someone like that before, m'just tired."

"Then You Can Rest Here Where We Can Watch You."

That didn't sit right with you, at all. "I'm not a fucking child." You snapped, struggling harder to escape your soft prison while trying not to spill any food on the nice carpets. "I can watch my fucking self, let me the fuck out!"

The blankets only seemed to tighten further and you growled in frustration, earning a chuckle from Rus as he settled on the couch next to you and tossed a handful of the sugary popcorn past his teeth. "not wha' he meant darlin', alphys said ya had a talk?"

"Fuckin' traitor." You muttered, accepting a cluster of popcorn and using it to give you a bit of time before you had to answer, a little time to think.

**Why were they marking you? She'd said it was because they had an interest in you, but why now? Actually, when did this all start?**

You think back a few weeks and realize it started around the time you'd all gotten drunk together and played that game...

**Were they doing all this so they could try to get in your pants?!**

With a burst of strength, mainly fueled by rage, embarrassment, and disappointment, you escaped the blanket burrito and stumble to your feet, glaring at the brothers before making your way to the door, ignoring them as they tried to call you back.

As soon as you were past the door you broke into a sprint, not entirely sure where you were going but knowing that you desperately needed to be away from them.

They were just like every other guy who learned you hadn't fucked, looking at you like a prize to be won instead of a regular fucking person who deserved to be loved and cherished...

You can't believe you actually had a crush on them, had actually wanted to have sex with them and maybe even try for a relationship, but no! They had to be like everyone else!

You stopped at a familiar house, pounding on the door until Danny stepped out, taking one look at you before opening her arms for a hug, easily leading you to her couch for cuddles.

**You didn't even know you were crying...**


	2. Never have you ever... gotten knocked out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> K.O.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two y'all!
> 
> Things are going... eh, they're certainly going...

Danny tucked you in after you finally passed out, easily slipping one of her favorite stuffed animals into your arms before trailing to the kitchen for something to drink, maybe even make a snack for when you woke up, something they could eat while marathoning some show on Netflix.

While she was looking over her options and deciding between PB&J or chicken quesadillas, someone started pounding on her door.

Already knowing what to expect, she grabbed her mini slugger and answered the door, slipping out and shutting it behind her and facing the skeleton brothers. "You do know that your knocking is fucking rude, I could have been asleep, or maybe in the shower. What could be so important that you all but knock down my door to gain my attention?"

Sans scowled. "We Know That She Is Here, We Wish To Speak With Her."

She snorted and rested a hand on her hip, the other tapping the bat against her thigh. "And? There's no way in hell I'm letting you near her, not when she shows up fucking crying her eyes out about two fucking idiots trying to get in her pants."

Rus watched the bat, browbones scrunched together as Sans gave her a blank look. "What The Hell Are You Talking About? We Have Done No Such Thing."

Danny snorted and tapped the bat a little harder. "Riiight, then why start showing an interest in her only after you learn she hasn't lost her V-card? Pretty fucking sketchy don't'cha think?"

Realization dawned on Sans as Rus snapped his gaze to her face. "that what she thinks? we been interested fer _months_ , jus' thought she was in a relationship..."

She snorted at that and leaned against the doorframe, the tempo of her tapping slowing. "Yeah? With who?"

"You. She Is Always So... Cuddly, When You Are Around, It Is _Infuriating_! What Were We To Think?"

Danny scoffed. "Maybe fucking ask instead of assuming? Talk to her like a fucking equal instead of going behind her back and marking her like a bunch of fucking animals. She doesn't belong to anyone but her fucking self!"

Rus's socket twitched and Sans looked like someone just dropped something foul on his boots. "Is That What She Thinks?! We're Not Animals, We-"

"Scent marked her without her consent, basically telling any other monster that she belonged to you, like she was a thing. I don't think you're getting the fact that you betrayed her trust and hurt her feelings." The tempo of the bat sped up and Rus shifted a bit.

"i think there's been a bit o' miscommunication, it's a monster thin', ta protect the weaker of the group." He tugged at his collar. "ol' habits die hard an' we might'a overstepped a boundary. wasn' a thing we really talked 'bout in the underground, just kinda happened..."

"No shit." She sighed, the bat going still as she eyed them carefully. "Maybe talk to her? Ask her out like proper gentlemen and treat her like she deserves to be treated."

Danny screwed her mouth up and flipped the bat in her hand before lunging, the bat ending up against Rus's neck, Sans with the flat of a switchblade pressed his cheekbone. "I hear anything about you forcing her into anything and I'll fucking hunt you down to my dying day, understood?"

The brothers nodded and she retracted her weapons, stepping out of immediate reach and slipping the blade back into her sleeve. "I'm serious, ask about her ex sometime, Nobody can seem to find him."

She left them standing on her porch, chuckling to herself quietly as she went back to the kitchen and pulled down a pan.

_Chicken quesadillas sounded pretty fucking great right now._

 

**_~~~_ **

 

You tried to avoid the brothers as much as possible, which you failed at spectacularly since Rus could teleport and Sans knew your schedule for work.

_"c'mon doll, gotta talk 'bout some stuff."_

So you ignored them.

**_"This Is Becoming Increasingly Irritating Pet!"_ **

Which was giving you a bitch of a headache and an irrational urge to start chugging whatever your hand landed on first, whiskey or bleach, it really didn't matter at this point.

You set down a bottle of beer in front of one of your regulars, a good looking young man that constantly flirted with you and tipped nicely. "Thank you honey, that a new top? Really brings out your eyes."

It would've been a sweet compliment if he'd been looking at your eyes and not your 'assets'. "Mhmm, whatever you say Matt."

"Get Your Filthy Eyes Off Her Peasant! Don't You See She's Uninterested In Your Disgusting Advances?" Sans sneered, nursing a glass of sherry and glaring at him over the rim of his glass.

You scoffed and narrowed your eyes at him. "Take your own advice."

He flinched and you felt like shit, but after all the shit from last week and their constant need to still follow you around, your last nerve had snapped and set ablaze, probably trampled by a drunk for good measure.

You didn't have time to apologize before Matt shot up from his stool, letting it hit the ground with a loud clatter and drawing attention to himself. "What'd you fucking call me you dickless bag of bones? You think you got a shot with her? Ha! You must be lacking a fucking brain too!"

The air around Sans crackled dangerously. "Oh? And You're A Better Match For Her? I've Seen Better Filth On The Bottom Of My Boots!"

You hopped over the counter and put yourself between them, and straight into the path of Matt's fist.

The hit connected with your jaw and you cried out and fell back, stunned as everything devolved into a whirl of color and sounds, something else hit you across the back of your skull and you-

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank for reading!


	3. Never have you ever... talked things out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up is a pain, but at least your friend-
> 
> Nope, nevermind, she locked you in, oh well...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I skipped a Monday??? How the hell???

The sound of arguing made your head ring and brought you out of the comforting black you'd been swimming in for a while, making you whimper and try to curl away from the noise and go back to sleep.

"she's awake bro."

"Finally!"

" _Fucking shut it_!"

You whimpered again and buried yourself further into the warmth of your bed, feeling someone running their fingers through your hair before something warm and soothing start to flood your head and made you relax further. "there ya go darlin', jus' relax an' let ol' rus take care o' ya."

The phalanges in your hair lightly traced over a sore spot on your scalp that made you wince, only to have that same warmth begin to seep into it and relieve another ache you didn't know you had. "'m tired."

Rus chuckled and removed his hand. "gotta git up fire-cracker, don' want ya ta become a lazybones like me."

The world suddenly shifted as you were lifted and crushed to another ribcage, making you squirm away in search of the warmth from before only to freeze as the arms tighten and a wave of safety washed over you, making you melt into who you now assumed was Sans.

"I am so sorry pet, I should have protected you better, he should have never laid his filthy hands on you. I AM UNFIT TO COURT YOU!"

You just kinda squinted at him and made a wounded noise, fuzzy mind clearing enough to realize he was talking about what happened at the bar before you were knocked out. "Sans-"

 _"OH FOR FUCKS SAKE!_ "

Danny appeared behind Sans and shoved him into the mattress with you before storming to the door, glaring at you three and shaking a finger. "I'm locking you in here until you guys can act like proper fucking adults for once!"

You whined as reality slammed into you, the thought of being stuck in a room, YOUR ROOM, with the skeleton brothers made you want to jump out the window while simultaneously wanting to dive into bed and hopefully wake up and find this was just a really fucked up dream.

_You wished you could time travel so you could slap past you, it'd make this whole shit-uation disappear..._

You wiggled away from Sans and crawled to the upper corner of your bed, able to watch the brothers as they watched you expectantly, wrapping yourself in a blanket for an extra layer away from them.

_No, you didn't want to talk to them, you didn't care if that made you childish, they wronged you first and you'd be damned if you apologized for your completely justified reaction._

_It didn't stop you from feeling guilty for all the dodging you'd been doing..._

Sans wasn't looking at you now, instead glaring at your closed door with a dark scowl.

Rus was the one to break the silence.

He leaned back against your headboard and took in a deep breath, letting it out with a contented sigh as his eyelights went a little fuzzy, flicking his gaze around the room before settling them on you when you shifted uncomfortably. "smells good in 'ere darlin', got a nice cozy little nest."

While you didn't understand what he meant, thinking it kinda smelled like dirty laundry and a little bit of your usual perfume, the statement seemed to offend Sans. "MUTT! DON'T SAY SUCH BOLD THINGS IN HER PRESENCE!"

That just left you more confused and a little self-conscious. "I, uh, I don't smell anything? It kinda smells dirty in here actually?"

The brothers shared a look, a silent conversation passing between them before Sans looked away with a huff, leaving Rus to smile at you. "got some things ta explain here darlin', monster culture an all that."

You settled a little more in your corner, keeping an eye on Sans while Rus scooted just a bit closer to you. "The marking?"

Sans winced and Rus grimaced. "yea' it's common practice among monsters, keeping others away from a potential mate as well as tellin' everyone tha' yer under our protection. didn' even cross our minds that it'd be offensive ta ya."

That made a little sense, but it didn't excuse all their behavior. "Why not just talk to me about it? And why mark someone you just wanted to fuck, seems a little overkill to me." You muttered bitterly, wondering if you could just jump out your window, it wasn't like you were too far from the ground...

"THAT'S NOT WHY WE MARKED YOU! YOU ARE JUST BEING STUBBORN AGAIN AND REFUSING TO LISTEN TO US!"

"Well if you would talk instead of fucking yell at me maybe I would! You guys keep getting pissed that I don't understand but keep neglecting to make me understand!"

In an instant you were scooped into Rus's lap with his arms wrapped around you, keeping you from escaping as Sans scowled at you. "listen darlin', we want ta fuck ya, no way aroun' that, but we want ta date ya first, get ta really know ya, this wasn' some spur of the moment thing, been wantin' it for a reeeal long time now."

"Then why-"

"We Thought You Were With Danny, And We Are Gentle-monsters If Nothing Else. Ruining A Relationship Is Beneath Us." Sans sniffed. scooching closer to the two of you.

"plus yer little friend is terrifying." Rus chuckled, snuggling you a little closer to his chest and rubbing his cheekbone against your hair. "wouldn' dream of gettin' between ya."

You fiddled with your hands nervously, relaxing a little into Rus's hold on you. "I uh, I've never really been in a relationship, I mean I've had a few exes but I wouldn't really count any of what we did as dating..."

Your exes had all been blind dates that didn't go anywhere, the one guy you had seriously tried to date had been...

Well, you were glad he left.

Sans seemed almost smug as he cupped your face between his scarred hands and gently stroked your cheeks. "Perfect, We Will Show You How You Should Be Treated, Even If You Do Not Choose Us In The End. We Will Be Perfect Datemates!"

_This wouldn't be so bad, you were friends going into this, so it wasn't like you had no idea what to expect..._

_Right?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading?


	4. Never have you ever... been on a fancy date!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We'll see~

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A DAY LATE! FUCK!
> 
> Fuck work and adult things, they suck!

  
Ok, so the super fancy restaurant as a first date was a little cliche, but it wasn't like you'd actually done that before, but you didn't expect Rus to be the one to propose the idea.

Not to mention that you didn't really feel completely comfortable around all the obvious wealth that others so casually displayed.

Sans had shown up hours before your reservation with a dress bag and what appeared to be a lifetime supply of makeup and creams. "Uhhh, is all that going on my face?"

Sans scoffed and shooed you onto your couch while kneeling in front of you, gently turning your face every which way as he inspected you for something. "Of Course Not, Some Will Be Going Along Your Shoulders And Arms."

Satisfied, he started in on your makeup, smoothing creams and powders along your skin with brushes, all the while humming softly as he worked, looking peaceful and in his element.

The end result left you feeling like there wasn't even anything on your face, though you knew for a fact you didn't normally look this hot. "Holy shit Sans! I look amazing!" You beamed at him and scooped him into a hug, giggling excitedly.

He huffed, de-tangling himself from your hold, but not before nuzzling a kiss to your shoulder. "You Always Look Stunning Princess, I Just Enhanced That Beauty. Now For The Dress."

The dress was a floor-length black silk gown with a sweetheart neckline and a spattering of crystal going up from the bottom.

It looked like you were wearing a part of the night sky.

Your hair was left natural and a simple silver chain with a teardrop pendant was added on as the sound of someone, lazily, knocking on your front door alerted you to the time and the fact that you'd been staring at yourself in the mirror for a while now.

Sans chuckled as you blushed and turned away from the mirror with a soft huff, sticking out your tongue at him childishly and squeaking when he caught it between two sharp claws with a smirk before letting you go answer the door.

You struggled a little with the heels he'd brought with the dress, but made it to the door without breaking anything so you counted that as a win.

You swung the door open and, _daaamn._..

Papyrus was in a black tux, the tie and undershirt a burnt orange that matched his eyelights perfectly, it even looked like he polished his gold teeth for the date too. "Damn, lookin' good Rus!"

Rus had frozen when you opened the door, expecting his brother to be on the other side, but was graced with an absolute dream instead, a goddess wreathed in midnight and stars, your skin glowing in the soft lights of your house and the slowly setting sun.

Holy shit he didn't know what he did to deserve a girl like you, but damn he would do it again.

He gently took one of your hands and brought it to his teeth, his eyelights smoldering as he looked you in the eye. "you outshine the night sky darlin'."

You weren't expecting that and promptly did your best impression of a tomato as you sputtered and tried to come up with a coherent sentence, feeling a little stupid that he'd gotten you so flustered.

Sans chuckled again and nudged you out the door. "Your Reservation Is In Twenty Minutes, You Should Get Going."

Papyrus nodded and offered his arm with a softer smile. "would'ya care for an escort fair maiden?"

You scoffed but looped your arm through his. "How dare, i'll have you know that I'm a dastardly evil-doer! No dainty lady here!"

He snickered before everything twisted and fell away, coming back into focus in a very familiar spot.

"Why are we at Bo's BBQ Stand? I thought we were gonna go to some fancy place?"

He scratched his jaw and looked at you sideways, teeth tilting into a nervous smile. "heh, thought ya might not be comfy there, not ta mention all tha' fancy food, thought this'd be comfier..."

You gestured to his suit and your dress. "And this?"

"it's for if you still wanted to go ta the fancy place after i brought ya here," he trailed off and scratched at his teeth. "that's ok right? ya still wanna go on this date?"

You beamed up at him and wrapped your arm around his a little tighter. "That's amazingly thoughtful Rus, and you're not wrong, I think I'd rather eat here than at some fancy restaurant, shall we?"

He smirked and led you over to the small shack, the sound of banging and swearing emanating from it before a large woman popped up into the order window with a crooked grin. "Lookie here! You finally asked her out? Good for you!"

A soft bang followed by giggling had Bo scowling. "One sec."

She disappeared and a minute later a door on the side of the building slammed open and two teenagers tumbled out, followed by a frowning Bo. "NO CANOODLING IN MY PANTRY! Git! I don't want to see either of you for a week!"

You waved as one of the boys sputtered and tried to lift his collar a little higher, failing to hide what was starting to look like a magnificent hickey while the other looked smug. "Alright, c'mon Carlos, let's go get Arby's.'

You rolled your eyes at the two lovesick idiots as the rn away, smirking when Bo came back into the window. "A'ight, the usual then? An' what's with the fancy-schmancy getup? Hope yer not wantin' ta sit at any of the park benches around here in those clothes."

Oh, she had a point, as she went back to make your orders you turned to look at the benches around you.

Most were covered in graffiti and bird shit, others with plain old trash and gum, really not the best place to sit if you wanted to keep your nice clothes clean...

"don' worry 'bout it, got a special little spot ta eat all set up an' ready ta go." He mumbled, arm draping over your shoulders lazily before he froze and started to pull away. "sorry darlin', shoulda asked."

You scoffed and pulled it back over your shoulder. "Look, I know that it might be kinda awkward going from friends to dating, but I'm still totally okay with you guys hugging me and wanting cuddles." You paused and fiddled with your fingers. "It's not like I'm suddenly gonna get defensive over every innocent little gesture, we're still friends first and foremost.. right?"

Rus stared at you for a moment before leaning down and nuzzling his nasal ridge into your hair with a soft chuckle. "yer too damn good fer us, fer me, yea' we're still friends, always will be."

you smiled and snuggled into his side, jumping slightly when Bo cleared her throat and gave you two a pointed look, your food neatly bagged and ready to go. "Is canoodling infectious or somthin'? Git before I catch it!"

Ru snagged the bags and paid her, wrapping his arm a little more firmly around you. "thank's bo, added a few extra burritos fer ma bro?"

Bo rolled her eyes and huffed. "Of course, though he'll never admit he lieks 'em, don't stop him from damn near running me out."

You all laughed before Rus saluted Bo and you were pulled into the Void, safe and secure in Rus's arms.

~~~

Bo clicked her tongue as you two disappeared, side-eyeing the door to the kitchen. "You git too, don't need lurkers in ma shop."

Sans scowled at her while wiping his hands, ridding himself of the greasy evidence that used to be a burrito. "Subpar As Usual, But Improving, I Will Be Back To Taste Some More."

Bo rolled her eyes and watched as he strutted out of her shop, clearly knowing where he was going as he set off determinedly. "Mhmm, subpar my ass, little shite ate three before I even finished his brother's order."

She sighed and started shutting everything down, thinking how you really had a to have some strength to deal with those two the way you did, eh, she was happy for you at the very least.

...That little fucker ate another burrito!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	5. Never have you ever... wrestled in a pond!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gotta love your boys, even if it doesn't end so well..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I
> 
> AM
> 
> ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!!!!
> 
> ...lol naw

The world came back all at once in a rush of color and sound after the absolute nothingness of the void, a place you never wanted to get stuck in no matter what, especially not with that creepy ass kept smiling at you every time you went through.

The sight that greeted you was of a checkered blanket laid out under a weeping willow, fireflies starting to blink to life as they gently floated their way through the limbs of the tree, making a truly romantic atmosphere.

You grinned giddily up at Rus before pushing through a few of the branches to get to the blanket, noting that there was also a cooler settled next to the blanket.

 _He thought of everything_ , you thought, your mouth falling into a softer smile as you saw a few of your favorite snacks lying about.

You plopped down on the blanket and rearranged your dress around you so it looked like you were rising out of a puddle of midnight and eternity, holding out your hand for Rus to join you since he was still only at the edge of the blanket.

He joined you and for the next hour you caught up with each other, putting the awkwardness behind you as you munched through the greasy food and laughed at his stupid jokes and plans to trap Chara the next time they visited.

_It was almost perfect, only..._

"Is Sans gonna sit in the tree all night?" You whispered to Rus, making him choke on his BBQ sauce and send you a strained smile.

"ya, uh, ya noticed that huh?"

You rolled your eyes at the almost defensive note that his voice held. "I agreed to date you, both of you, you know I wouldn't mind going on dates with both of you at the same time right?"

He gave a soft 'nyeheh' before the tree rustled and Sans dropped onto the ground next to the blanket, straightening his top **_and definitely not blushing in the fucking slightest!_** "Yes, Well, We Thought It Might Be A Bit Odd For You To Be On A Date With Two People, So..."

He trailed off with a cough and finally glanced at you, taking in the affectionate smile and your reaching hand. "Why the hell would I only want to be with one of you at a time? That kinda defeats the purpose of dating you both!"

The smile on Rus's face could make a child cry, but damn if he hadn't gotten the best damn rush from hearing you say that you wanted to be with both of them.

He really hoped you meant that, because he could think of a few ways that statement could be made real and-

He was thwapped in the sockets with a burrito, instantly snapping him out of his dirty thoughts and back to his fuming brother. "CALM THE FUCK DOWN YOU MUTT! RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR DATE MATE!? HAVE YOU NO MANNERS!?"

You chuckled as they bickered back and forth, shrieking when Sans tackled Rus to get the burrito in his hand, the two rolling around on the ground before rolling straight into the small pond you hadn't noticed on the other side of the willow.

There was splashing and screeching before Rus came back into view with Sans in his arms, both dripping wet and absolutely filthy.

You couldn't help it, you curled your arms around your middle and howled with laughter, shrieking when Rus shook like a drowned mutt and splashed you with the chilled water. "Noooo, my fancy date clothes!"

You wiped a bit of pond water off your cheek and missed the evil grins the brothers wore before you were unceremoniously scooped into a pair of arms and tossed straight into the freezing cold pond.

You flailed around before sending a filthy glare Sans way. "Oh _it's fucking on now_!"

Your cute picnic date devolved into a wrestle war as you tried to push the boys into the pond, failing spectacularly and ending up in the filthy water more than once for your troubles.

Until you chucked a burrito into it and San tried to save it...

Over all, it was the best first date you'd ever had.

 

**_~~~_ **

 

_That was the worst first date ever!_

The thought swirled around your head as you threw up the rest of this mornings breakfast, slumping against the wall beside the toilet and making wondering if this was the end.

The date ended with them dropping you off back at home, each giving you a hug and a good night before you went in and showered off the pond water and changed.

You're starting to think you might have swallowed some of it too...

Your head lolled back against your bathroom wall and your eyes drooped closed, the chill from the bathroom floor feeling absolutely incredible on your skin.

Maybe... maybe you'd just take a little nap here... that wouldn't be so bad...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! it's trope time!
> 
> Fun fact: I freaking LOVE tropes!


	6. Never have you ever... felt this awful!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You aren't answering your phone and the boys get more than a little concerned!
> 
> WARNING!!! There is vomiting in this chapter!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not dead! I just kinda feel like it...
> 
> Between getting new meds, quitting my job, quitting the meds because they were awful, I haven't really had any creativity in the last few months...
> 
> But! I'm here with a new chapter and hopefully I can really get back into writing again!

  
You weren't answering your phone.

Sans sent you a good morning text every morning at exactly 5 o'clock when he got up to do his daily training, not expecting you to answer right away of course, but at least within the next four hours.

**_It was past noon and you had yet to even open the text he'd sent you this morning._ **

**_Maybe you hadn't woken up yet? Maybe they had tired you out on during the date?_ **

**_...maybe you hadn't enjoyed the date?_ **

Anxiety flared in his soul and he had to resist the urge to check on you, or get the mutt to pop in to see if you were still in bed, it wasn't healthy to sleep so long and-

 

**TINY EXECUTIONER**

_You heard from Y/n today?_

 

The marrow in his bones froze as he quickly typed out a message.

 

**_THE MAGNIFICENT AND ALL POWERFUL SANS_ **

**_YOU MEAN TO TELL ME THAT SHE HASN'T TEXTED YOU EITHER???_ **

 

"MUTT! GET DOWN HERE THIS INSTANT!"

Rus popped into existence mid-yawn and ruffled, obviously having been asleep. "yo, wha-" Sans gripped his hoody and shot off another text. "TO OUR PRINCESS, SHE IS IN TROUBLE!"

Rus didn't hesitate as the void swallowed them whole, darkness eating up the world as he aimed for your house.

They were afraid of what they would find...

 

**_~~~_ **

 

The second everything settled around them Sans bolted for your room, finding it empty and your phone still charging on your nightstand.

_"i found 'er!"_

Sans whirled around and ran through the door across from your room, finding you in his brothers' arms, flushed and unconscious, sweat matting your hair and a little bit of sick on the corner of your mouth.

Rus was frozen, claws flexing against your skin as his bones started to rattle. "shit, i, i don't know what ta do, she, she ain't, she-"

Sans shook off his own dread and gripped his brother's shoulder, digging his own claws into the bone underneath and bringing Rus's focus to him. "Stop panicking, she is merely ill, bring her to her bed while I gather needed supplies."

_**And also information...** _

Rus gave a jerky nod before hauling you up and carrying you to your room, leaving Sans alone to gather what he needed.

He took a moment to quiet his panicking soul and started rummaging through your medicine cabinet, finding a few different bottles of pills and syrups that looked like what he might need.

 

**_THE MAGNIFICENT AND ALL POWERFUL SANS_ **

**_A HIGH FEVER, THROWING UP, SWEATING. WHAT IS THE APPROPRIATE MEDICATION FOR THIS SITUATION?_ **

 

**TINY EXECUTIONER**

_I'm gonna ignore that you somehow got to her house in less than five minutes in favor of helping my friend. You'll want ta use the fever reducer, grape-flavored, cherries mine. Don't freak, it's probably just your run of the mill flu._

 

**TINY EXECUTIONER**

_Oh, and if you try anything funny, I will know, and you won't like that very much._

  
He snorted at the threat but kept it in mind as he put everything else back except for what she'd told him, reading the proper dosage on the back and grabbing a wet washcloth, even doing a quick internet search, before heading back to your room.

In the short amount of time it had taken him to get the medicine, Rus had turned your bed into a nest of pillows and blankets, quite a few taken from their own home, and had nestled you in the center. "You did well, we will need drinks that replenish electrolytes and water."

Rus gave him a strained smile and nodded. "yea, yer so cool bro, knowin' what ta do, i'll be back soon."

Sans wondered if he would still think he was so great if he knew how much he was panicking inside, and how an internet search for "common flu" had left him feeling rather ill himself.

**_Those were just worse case scenarios anyways, nothing to worry about..._ **

He really sucked at lying to himself.

He filled a small syringe with the medicine and carefully let it drip into your mouth, watching with no small amount of relief that you swallowed it willingly.

You would get better they would make sure of it.

 

**_~~~_ **

 

You were in fluffyland, so light and nice and nice and....

fluffy, fluffy, fluffy, why did you feel like-

You rolled to the edge of the fluff and heaved, hearing something loud somewhere around you but more focused on the nasty bite of bile as it trickled past your lips and onto...

Somewhere...

You sagged and everythin-

 

**_~~~_ **

 

The next time you reached some level of consciousness, it was to find yourself propped up on pillows with a couple of Halloween decorations resting by your feet.

Which was strange because you don't remember buying them.

...what year was it again?

You shifted slightly and whimpered when the room spun and your head started to throb like you had the energizer bunny in there going rounds on your brain.

The Halloween decorations chose that moment to come to life, both jolting up and turning to look at you as you blearily looked back, not entirely sure if this was actual reality. "Wha?"

The bigger of the two scrambled up the bed was in your face faster than you could blink, which wasn't very fast but eh, and settled his hands on your shoulders. "fuck darlin', had us scared there fer awhile." He pressed a cool hand to your face and you sighed. "still too hot."

"Back Down Mutt, She Needs To Take Her Medication."

The big skeleton reluctantly pulled back as the smaller one came forward with a small cup of water and an even smaller cup of dark liquid.

**Oh, oh no!**

**They were going to turn you into a skeleton too!**

You whined low and struggled to wiggle away from the approaching threat, only succeeding in lodging yourself more firmly into your pile of pillows. "Noooo, I don' wanna be a skeleton!"

Sans paused as Rus snorted and tried to stop from laughing, sneakily bringing his phone out to record what was going to be a beautiful conversation.

Sans sent his brother a withering glare before turning back to you with a soft smile. "Come Now, This Is Only Medicine To Help Relieve Your Fever, Nothing Nefarious OR-"

"NO!" You cried, wiggling further under your blankets as tears sprang to your eyes and flooded down your cheeks. "I don't wanna be a skeleton! Go away!"

Sans faltered for a moment before his expression hardened, not letting on to how much your tears affected him. "Well That's A Shame, This Medicine Is The Only Thing Keeping You Human, I Guess I'll Have To Take It Away And Let You Die."

_That... that was the worst thing he could have said at that moment..._

You started sobbing hysterically, the thought of dying worse than anything else at that moment as you tried to reach for the medicine, working yourself up to the point that you started dry heaving.

Rus panicked and snatched the medicine from his brother and helped you swallow it, quickly following with a glass of water to wash away the nastiness, all the while trying to get you to calm down and relax.

Sans felt awful as his brother lulled you back to sleep with quiet words, sharpened phalanges burying themselves into his humeri as he clenched his hands in self-hatred.

He should've known that joking at a time like this wouldn't have been taken well, he was an idiot for making you panic like that, he should've known better and-

Rus gently pulled sans back to the bed, fingers prying at his way from his arms as he moved sans so that he was resting beside you instead of by your feet. "easy bro, just take it easy, ain' like she's gonna remember this."

"I Made Her Panic! I Am Responsible For Her Health And I Worsened It!"

Rus sighed and tucked his brother in next to you, taking his place across your legs as he peered up at his brother. "an i'm the one ta get 'er sick in the first place, just gotta fix yer mistake right?"

Sans didn't quite know what to say to that, so instead he made himself comfortable and decided he'd watch you sleep until the urge to move was too great.

Everything was going to be fine, you'd be back on your feet soon and he wouldn't have to worry about-

You took that moment to exorcist puke straight into his face, right into his open sockets.

 

**_~~~_ **

 

Danny went about cleaning up the hovel she called a living space when her phone started singing to her from across the room.

**~who let the dogs out~**

She rolled her eyes and scooped it up, no doubt that your pup was texting her again about some random shit he found online and freaking that you were dying.

Danny considered telling them you were dying, but the ensuing chaos wouldn't be very funny for you, so she refrained from telling them you had Ebola or something.

Though the thought was becoming a little more tempting as time went on...

She opened the message, which had been precluded by another message that said-

 

**_Guard Pup_ **

_is this normal???_

 

It was a video and she hesitated a moment before saying a quick mental 'FUCK IT' and clicked play.

She was not disappointed.

It started out all cutesy with Sans watching you sleep with little hearts in his sockets before it quickly devolved in the greatest shit show that she's ever seen.

You barely lifted your head before your mouth spewed forth what had to be the entire contents of your stomach straight into your bonefriends sockets in a display that would make any demon proud.

After the initial spewing was over, you dropped right back off to sleep and the camera panned over to where Sans was retching into your wastebasket, she didn't miss how the phone shook slightly, almost like whoever was filming was trying to keep themselves from laughing.

Danny howled with laughter and quickly made copies of the video for later use, sending back a quick thumbs-up emoji before making a beeline for the kitchen to make some soup.

After that display, she almost felt sorry for the tiny tyrant...

Almost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you guys for reading and just being your awesome sauce selves!

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading guys!


End file.
